Sorry for the lack of updates. It’s been hectic of late.
On the upside, I’ve started training again, so I’m really beginning to feel a lot better physically. It’s amazing how that works =]
It amazes me how often I seem to be treated like a young kid who doesn’t know anything. Granted, at 26, I’m not as old as some other people, but, so far at any rate, it’s been a long interesting trip and I seem to have covered more ground and lived more than a lot of people in the twilight of their years.
That’s not to say I know everything. Hell, I learn new things every day and I’ll be a bit concerned if I ever seem to stop. However, for most things, it’s just not my first dance.
I have enough stories that I don’t even bother to tell most of them to people who don’t know me very well because they’d never believe them (hey, they have a hard enough time believing that the mala I wear around my wrist was a gift from a group of Tibetian monks when they ask about it). I think the comment one of my training partners made one day around 10 years ago was that I was 16 going on 600.
I’ve just always sort of been thrust into the leadership position either by circumstance or (rarely) someone’s design. I’ve become the voice of wisdom and experience among other things.
Despite that, everyone seems to think that I don’t know anything. Though, to be fair, they also seem to think that I’m some sweet, innocent guy, and that’s just not true. I may be a nice guy, but sweet and innocent I’m not. I’ve been through too much to be either (I do admit, though, that I can be sweet on occasion, but that’s generally for specific people).
After having friends die around you, keeping others alive, and running across people that wanted you dead for various reasons, a lot of the innocent just sort of leaves you. As for the sweet part, let’s say that I tend more toward hopeful cynicism. I smile, but not like I used to. It feels more like a mask most days now.
Somehow, I still seem to remain charming though. Go figure.
I sort of miss being innocent and sweet, but at the same time, I wouldn’t be here if I was still that way. I guess it’s all for the best.
It just gets kind of old being treated like the kid and then ending up being the big brother because people underestimate both you and the situation.
Current mood: tired yet thoughtful
Current music: Ozzy Osbourne – Old LA Tonight