Of Life and ExperienceSorry for the lack of updates. It’s been hectic of late.
On the upside, I’ve started training again, so I’m really beginning to feel a lot better physically. It’s amazing how that works =]
It amazes me how often I seem to be treated like a young kid who doesn’t know anything. Granted, at 26, I’m not as old as some other people, but, so far at any rate, it’s been a long interesting trip and I seem to have covered more ground and lived more than a lot of people in the twilight of their years.
That’s not to say I know everything. Hell, I learn new things every day and I’ll be a bit concerned if I ever seem to stop. However, for most things, it’s just not my first dance.
I have enough stories that I don’t even bother to tell most of them to people who don’t know me very well because they’d never believe them (hey, they have a hard enough time believing that the mala I wear around my wrist was a gift from a group of Tibetian monks when they ask about it). I think the comment one of my training partners made one day around 10 years ago was that I was 16 going on 600.
I’ve just always sort of been thrust into the leadership position either by circumstance or (rarely) someone’s design. I’ve become the voice of wisdom and experience among other things.
Despite that, everyone seems to think that I don’t know anything. Though, to be fair, they also seem to think that I’m some sweet, innocent guy, and that’s just not true. I may be a nice guy, but sweet and innocent I’m not. I’ve been through too much to be either (I do admit, though, that I can be sweet on occasion, but that’s generally for specific people).
After having friends die around you, keeping others alive, and running across people that wanted you dead for various reasons, a lot of the innocent just sort of leaves you. As for the sweet part, let’s say that I tend more toward hopeful cynicism. I smile, but not like I used to. It feels more like a mask most days now.
Somehow, I still seem to remain charming though. Go figure.
I sort of miss being innocent and sweet, but at the same time, I wouldn’t be here if I was still that way. I guess it’s all for the best.
It just gets kind of old being treated like the kid and then ending up being the big brother because people underestimate both you and the situation.
Current mood: tired yet thoughtful
Current music: Ozzy Osbourne – Old LA Tonight
7 comments:
I don't know how ANYBODY gets this idea that you're innocent in that sense. :P
Then again.... I seem to remember a certain panic attack I had on our first date........ *cough*
We won't go there. lol
You're not alone. At 27, I get the same thing. Funny how everyone comes running when they need you, but how the guy with their Master's in IS mgmt becomes the person to talk down to when everything is working fine...
In my experience, I've also found that it's the people who are most aware of your abilities who tend to treat you like a complete newbie... I think they're trying to get their two cents in when they can, because they're acutely aware of your abilities, and know that with the caliber of issues you deal with on a daily basis, the opportunities to contribute are rare for them...
Keep the faith, and I recommend doing what I do... Don't let anyone in a less informed position tell you what to do, but act graciously towards them. Carrying a big stick (of knowledge, I guess) and leaving a trail of successes behind you will speak volumes to the point where it really won't be necessary to talk very much... :-)
Dan,
I should be in the market to get a new job here in a couple of months when I have a better grasp on C# and a few sample projects in it on my site (and the sample CD that I take to interviews).
As for carrying a big stick, I can carry one of knowledge, or I can grab one of the ones from my armory (I grew up studying martial arts, so I have a not inconsiderable weapons collection now). =]
Me, I just try to make it through the day with something resembling tact and grace and then get to a point where I can do something to relax and get my mind off of things.
My old friend keeps insisting that we run away to Tahiti to bask in the sun and have drinks with little umbrellas in them. Sounds like a plan to me, and the company would be great. It’s just a matter of time and money lol
"Me, I just try to make it through the day with something resembling tact and grace and then get to a point where I can do something to relax and get my mind off of things."
remember:
Your job isn't who you are. It helps to keep the two separate (as you've mentioned), but also to keep them separate in your own mind.
"My old friend keeps insisting that we run away to Tahiti to bask in the sun and have drinks with little umbrellas in them. Sounds like a plan to me, and the company would be great. It’s just a matter of time and money."
I think it was in "Boiler Room" when they used to say 'everyone can find 5 grand'. Find a small percentage of that (eBay, side job in retail for a month, etc) and go on your vacation (maybe not Tahiti, maybe Puerto Rico?). You'll be in a much better state of mind to start a new job without suffering from PTWS.
(I call it Post-Traumatic Workplace Syndrome...when you're bringing the mental injuries from the old place into the new position)
Hrm, sounding a little new-agey. :P
Dan,
I don't really have any problem keeping them seperate in my own mind either.
As for carrying baggage with me, I have the frightening ability to put almost anything behind me and proceed calmly. Ask Karyl :P
He ain't kidding. It's scary.
As for Tahiti...
*puppy eyes* Take me with you! lol
I need a vacation too lately.
Sorry, Karyl, but Tahiti has been a plan between Weide and me for far too long. It's always just been the two of us :P
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