New Toy.

I've been depending on Mapquest pretty heavily recently, so I figured it was time to break down and just get a GPS.

On the advice of a number of people I talk to, I ended up deciding on the Garmin Nuvi. It's small, has a decent battery life, does what I need without a serious case of feature creep, and the price is decent, so I picked one up.

It got here yesterday. The first surprise was that, instead of the unit I ordered, they sent me an upgraded model (no complaint here). I was, however, kind of annoyed that, while there was a car charger, there was no AC charger included. It's not a huge deal. I just have to get an adapter, but still.

So, in the meantime, I'm recharging it on my computer (it charges through its data port).

I spent part of the night playing around with it, adding favorite locations, etc.

After a while, I started looking at the built in points of interest, and ended up finding things I never knew were around here. One of them, however, made me do a double take:

DUI Limo Services.

Would you want to get a ride from a place called DUI Limo Services? I have to say that I'd be a little reluctant to use them for fear of truth in advertising...

Current music: Adam & The Ants - Stand And Deliver
Current mood: tired, but amused

No, I'm not dead. I've just been tied up with a lot of things.

It's sort of a busy time, as it is with a lot of people. Work, shopping, trying to find my sanity (not that that's likely), etc.

I thought I'd share a piece of conversation between Karyl and myself yesterday. It rather amused me.

Me: Chocolate, blood, what's the difference? :P
Karyl: What kind of chocolate have YOU been eating? lol
Me: The chocolate of the innocent :P
Karyl: Who do you know that bleeds chocolate and where can I find them? :P
Me: They're really rare. They were especially prized by the Mayans and Aztecs, so they went into hiding...
Karyl: Find me a colony of them, I might just have to turn vampire. :P mmm chooocolate.

An Old Story.

For the last few days, an old Chinese story has been floating around inside my head.

Sometimes, the best way to get something like that off of your mind is to share it.

A man and his wife lived in their home on the outskirts of the city and every day, the man would tell his wife that he was leaving to have dinner with his important friends.

It pleased his wife to think that he was so well liked by so many important people and that they were so well off. However, as time went by, she became curious to know who his important friends were, so she secretly followed him one day.

What she found made her break down into tears and filled her with horror.

Her husband was indeed dining with important people. Every day, he went to the cemetery where he ate the grave offerings left by the families of dead officials for it turns out that, despite their appearance, the husband and wife were very poor and that even the wife was fooled.

Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Breaking Benjamin – Until The End

I can haz new toy?

Anyone out there in internet land want to buy me one of these? It's even on sale :P

Time For A Change.

According to some traditions, a new year started a couple of days ago.

In that spirit, I've been meaning to make a resolution, and now, it seems, is as good a time as any to do so.

For the last year or so, I've been extremely busy. To be honest, I've been working on things pretty much 7 days a week for most of it. I really wasn't kidding when I said that taking the day and a half off was a rare chance.

Hopefully that will change for the better soon (and I'm working toward that end), but until then, I just have to deal with it.

That said, the schedule I've been running on (or being run over by depending on how you look at it) has left me with a problem - I haven't been as active as I should be.

To tell the truth, I feel slow and stiff lately. Granted, my "slow and stiff" is still faster and more graceful than most people on a good day, but by my standards, I've slipped more than a little.

In order to remedy this, I have decided to try to carve out some time to start training again. I'm going to have to ease back into it because I haven't for a while, but thankfully I know what I'm doing and how far/hard I can push myself (this is one of the things that having had a really good sifu will get you).

Talking with Karyl about this earlier today, we decided that I should at least try to get back to where I was when I was in college putting the fencing team through its paces and playing with the local black belts. Personally, I want to not only get back there but surpass it. It will take time and effort, but I think it will be worth it.

I made the comment that I want to be skinny, and it was pointed out that, by normal concepts of skinny, that's not going to happen and that "lean" would be a better word to use. She's right. Skinny really doesn't fit with the size of my frame and the amount of muscle that I have (even given my decreased activity of late).

Starting out, I think it's best that I work on strength, flexibility, and endurance. From there, I'll add targeting and fine motor control training.

In my opinion, the last two things on the list have slipped even though they're still better than most of the people I've gone up against. I used to target within 1/2" of a thumbtack sized target at full extension (using either a rapier or a hand and a half sword). Now it's within 1" of a 1" target. Both are, by most people's standards, quite good, but I dislike that I've let myself go a bit. I'm better than that, and I know it.

Now it's time to prove it, and get back on top of things again. By the end of this, I want to lose the tummy, regain my flexibility, and hopefully have my stamina back.

Current mood: pondering
Current music: Bodyrockers - Round & Round

The Basics.

When I was a child, my sifu used to tell me that while learning to fight properly was an important part of my training, the basics were far more useful.

Focus on your stance, posture, breathing, and small movements, because fighting can get you out of some bad situations, but the basics can help you with so much more.

The longer I travel on my path, the more I see that he was right.

The ability to fight has indeed gotten me out of some bad situations, and even helped save my life and the lives of a couple of other people. However, those basics help me focus and clear my mind when I get overwhelmed with things in my life.

Focus on stance, posture, breathing, and small movements.

With those four simple tools, I can work to pull myself together when I start to fall apart. That isn’t to say that they cure everything or make everything “all better”. Nothing will do that, and anyone who tells you differently is lying to you (and possibly to themselves).

For me, those four basic things help me regain enough mental and physical composure to attempt to keep going when things feel like they are going to become unbearable. They allow me to let the flood of problems wash over and around me without drowning me.

For that, I owe him a great deal.

Current mood: …
Current music: Breaking Benjamin – Here We Are

Happy Anniversary.

I love you very much, and I miss you every day.

Political Spam.

I've been politically active since before I was 18.

Heck, I sort of grew up around politics. The mayor of my hometown when I was a kid was a friend of the family (he's a state legislator now). I've had the opportunity to meet, speak with and hang out with governors, congressmen, etc etc etc in both parties ever since I was a young teenager.

Part of it was family connections, part of it is because of the places where I've worked/people I've worked with, and part of it is because, well, to be honest, I have the tendency to meet interesting people (and the fact that I tend to be memorable for some odd reason =] ).

When it comes to politics, I tend to be a moderate. A lot of the people where I currently am would call me a "dirty liberal", but that's largely because they consider anything other than extremely hard right to be "dirty liberal" territory.

To put it into perspective, I had to register as a Republican in my hometown when I turned 18 for one very important reason - so I could actually vote in the local primaries. People would literally fight over who got to be the Republican candidate because *nobody* there would vote for anyone that actually ran as a Democrat. There were more Independent candidates than Democrat ones where I grew up. I kid you not.

I figured that I might as well register in a manner that would allow me to *actually* help decide who would get into office in my city and county.

It was crazy and rather surreal. The sad thing is that basically the whole geographic area was like that (and still is, really). We're talking about people who admit that they would gladly vote Bob Ney back into office if they could "because he isn't a Democrat"!

Me, I tend to vote on the issues and not on the party. I do my research and make my decision (despite what a certain commenter here seems to think because he doesn't agree with my conclusions). I don't care if you're a Republican, Democrat, or a member of the Bull Moose party as long as I think you will do your job well and faithfully for the benefit of your constituents.

That said, I have to admit that, if I didn't vote on the issues, the political spam I've gotten this election season would probably have me voting against every Republican on the ballot. I'm not talking phone calls or letters/fliers. Those I get from both sides. I'm talking actual email spam.

I've gotten hammered with spam from the Republican party for probably two months. I have yet to get a spam message from the Democrats (and yes, I've checked my spam filters).

I can't say that I haven't gotten emails from Democrat candidates for various offices, because I have, but those were actual emails and not spam (yes, I get emails from Republican politicians as well. I have friends on both sides). I don't hear from them as often lately, but then I've been kind of quiet for the last year or so myself due to some things that have been going on.

The point is that the Republicans are really abusing this "new" (to them, at least, it seems) technology to reach out to people. They seem to be spamming anything that moves, because I haven't used one of the addresses for *anything* of a political nature.

The greatest part is that they're spamming me, making twisted (and often false) statements, and then *asking me for money*. That's right. They're annoying the hell out of me with spam email and then expecting that I'll give them money.

Granted that's not quite as good as the spam that I've been getting from the "Bank of Nigeria" in Japanese, but it comes fairly close.

From an issues standpoint, there are almost no good Republican candidates here this time around, but the spamming tactics is just another nail in their coffin in my opinion.


Current mood: tired
Current music: Starship - We Built This City

James Takes A Day Off.

The world ended. I did, in fact, take an actual day off.

No email, no code, I didn't even take the laptop with me. The most complex piece of electronics that came with me (other than the car) was my phone, and it was only used once in order to co-ordinate the hotel stay.

Okay, twice if you count using it as an alarm clock...

I spent a day and a half completely unplugged. I think it was something I needed. I've just been really busy lately, and needed to force myself to stop with everything that was on my plate, even just for a day since I've been running basically 7 days a week for quite a while now.

Thursday was nice. Sunny; a little cool, but not too bad, and relaxed. There was much time spent just wandering around enjoying the day. Friday was a different story - mostly cold and rainy.

On the whole, it was rather relaxing, though I didn't sleep a whole lot. I never seem to under certain circumstances, but that wasn't such a big change since I haven't been sleeping a great deal lately anyway (life's like that sometimes).

At any rate, I'm back now, so the (somewhat ordered) chaos can resume =]

I was, admittedly, kind of surprised that I wasn't contacted by at least *someone* while I was out and that there weren't any major issues in my inbox when I got back. It was probably because I only took one day since the last time I took something that looked like a real vacation, I got about 3 steps inside the door upon my return before I was pounced by directors and upper management going "OMG! The world is ending!!" lol

The funny thing is that *they're* the ones who insisted that I should take some time off because I'd been working so much heh

Current mood: tired
Current music: Backyard Babies - Pet Semetary

A Day Off.

Just a notice that I will be taking a day and a half off during this coming week. It's not something that I get to do often, so I thought I'd take advantage of it. =]

On Thursday, October 23 and most of Friday, October 24 (probably until the evening), I will be unavailable by email, so don't worry if I don't respond right away.

Should you need to contact me and get a more immediate response, you can still reach me by phone (the number is on my website).

Here's to hoping that it goes well, and, of course, thank you for understanding =]

My Love.

I don’t know if it’s prudent to put this here (in fact, it probably isn't), but the right thing to do is not always the prudent thing to do, and I really think I need to say this publicly. It has more meaning that way…

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find my center again, and did a lot of things along the way in the hopes of reaching that point.

I trained until I collapsed practically every day for a year. That didn’t work. It just made me tired. Granted, it improved my stamina, but mostly it just made me tired.

I taught duello style fencing for several years. The workout at least got me out of the labs and let me sleep a little at night.

I spent some time learning blacksmithing. There was some quiet to be found there because of the focus required to create pieces and not hurt yourself in the process. In addition, it caused me to put on a little more muscle.

I played with the local black belts from various disciplines. They looked forward to it because of how much they learned. I looked forward to it because it gave me something to focus on.

I threw myself into my work. I regularly spent the night in the labs, frequently until 2 or 3 in the morning. Despite that, I still found it hard to concentrate.

I spent a lot of time at the lake, looking out over the water. It was quiet there. I think you would have liked it.

I took a lot of road trips. I learned that miles on the odometer can’t distance you from some problems.

I took a lot of walks. Some of them lasted multiple days.

I gave private kenjutsu lessons to a couple of people.

I’ve done many other things – too many to list here.

I’ve done, seen and learned many things – some of them good and some of them bad. I am, in many ways, a different person. In some ways I am stronger. In others, I am weaker. In yet others, I am simply changed. Yet, despite it all, I remain myself for that is all I can be, flaws and all.

The one thing that has never changed is my love for you.

On the path I’ve walked, I’ve never forgotten. In fact, you’ve never been far from my thoughts during the entire journey. I’ve learned that the only thing I can do is live my life day by day the best that I can and try to keep hope.

Every year, I celebrate this day as a reminder of you.

Happy birthday.

I love you very much and I miss you every day.

Email Issues.

I apologize if anyone tried to contact me from about 11:20am-12:40pm today. The mail server at my hosting provider took a dive and I didn't get any of your messages.

Please feel free to re-send anything that may not have gotten through and I will make an effort to ensure that I respond to all of you.

Thanks, and I'm sorry for any delays or problems this might have caused.

I Was The Responsible One?

With some of the things that have been happening lately, I ended up talking to someone I used to be friends with in high school. We lost touch partway through college because of things that happened, but we occasionally get to talk now.

One of the things that came up was how bizarre it was that I was considered the responsible one by the parents of so many of my friends. Apparently any uneasiness was put aside if I was going to be involved. Don't ask me why, but it's true.

I find that especially weird considering some of the insane things *I* did even back then. However, I guess it was that I tried to keep everyone *else* from getting into too much trouble and that I could handle things if they got out of hand that made me the "safe" one to be with (I mean, who better to have your son/daughter out with than their friend that can smooth over problems and, if it comes down to it, help treat injuries or inflict them, right?)

Yeah, I was a regular snarky knight in shiny armor [/sarcasm].

The funny thing is that many activities were only approved *if* I'd be going (road trips, concerts, etc etc etc). If I wasn't going, my friends weren't allowed to go either. It was kind of surreal because I was considered a sort of surrogate adult.

Anyway, to get back on track, my friend and I were talking and that came up. He was as amazed at the whole thing as I was (in part, I think, because he knew some of the insanity that was my life). He ended up making fun of the whole situation himself during part of the conversation:

Friend's mom: Where are you going?
Friend: Um... to ritually sacrifice animals?
Friend's mom: Is James going??
Friend: Yes...
Friend's mom: Okay. Have fun.

(Please note that there was no animal sacrifice involved. I have too much respect for animals. Some people, on the other hand, are fair game in my book *smirk*)

Current mood: tired...
Current music: Sneaker Pimps - Kiss & Swallow

Rain.

It seems like the world is being sympathetic tonight.

The weather matches my mood.

It's raining.

No thunder. No lightning. No high winds. Just a sort of sad, heavy rain.

Rain falls from the sky
landing sadly on the ground
angels with torn wings

Current mood: sad
Current music: Eureka Seven soundtrack - Rainbow

I am sorry that I wasn't able to be there so very often when you needed me.

Current mood:
Current music: Collapsis - October

Late night pondering.

You know, it's funny. I always seem to get the urge to train in the middle of the night.

It doesn't seem to matter how exhausting the day has been or if I should sleep. I just get the urge to practice - weapons forms, empty hand techniques, stances, striking... It doesn't seem to matter *what* I train in. I just want to train.

I'd ask why it happens in the middle of the night, but I already know the answer to that question.

It's the same reason I go walking through whatever town or city I happen to be in at 3 in the morning.

Night is when my mind starts to wander the most and the questions come. The training and walking seems to give me something else to focus on for a little while instead of spending that time thinking about things that will, in the end, frequently serve to cause me pain.

It's certainly better than laying restlessly in bed, beating myself up for things I can't change now.

Don't get me wrong. There are good things floating around in my head as well, but late night seems to be the domain of the ones that aren't that pleasant, and I've learned to at least try to work through them.

It's not like I sleep much anyway.

Current mood: tired
Current music: Puddle of Mud - Blurry

New Math?

A few days ago, the local paper ran a notice that Palin would be here in Ohio doing fundraising.

This isn't particularly surprising. What caught my attention was the price for the meetup in Cincinnati.

$2,500 for a single person or $10,000 for a couple.

Interesting discount program the republicans are running - Bring your wife or husband along for just 4 times the price of a single ticket. This ticket price is to see the woman who was for the Bridge to Nowhere, then when the uproar over it started, she said "thanks but no thanks" (after the money was approved, mind you), and then kept the money to use for other things.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that sort of a no-no?

Somehow that makes perfect sense given the insanity of the Republican candidates...

Hey, McCain did say that he didn't know anything about economics. I think this just sort of proves it unless you think the photo you supposedly get to have taken with Palin should you buy the couples ticket is worth the extra 5 grand.

Of course, if you don't want the couples ticket, you could always opt for the $25,000 VIP reception tickets. (I believe that was per person, though I may be mistaken).

These are the people that so many of the residents in this area want leading the country? People who seem to think that 2*2500 = 10000? A supposed "maverick" that votes with Bush 90% of the time and the governor of a state with a population less than that of the capitol of this state who has, by the way, been immersed in scandal since she was allegedly vetted?

I think I'll pass.

Current mood: tired
Current music: none

Progress.

I seem to have had a little success in my quest to get back to something more like my old self since I made the post last month.

I certainly haven't totally become like I was before, and, honestly, I never will because I'm a different person now. However, I have begun to regain some of the positive aspects of the way I used to be.

I'm becoming more outgoing again and am more prone to dance and sing (I know that probably frightens some people who know me lol). The jokes are coming more easily lately (in fact, I nearly made someone nasally eject coffee today heh), and I actually laugh on occasion.

Granted, I still have my down days, but they don't seem to be as frequent. I view that as a good thing.

It does come with some downsides. For one, my bullshit threshold is a bit lower, but that may not be a completely bad thing either.

At least I am getting back to my old mindset of taking the world by the horns and ripping it's head off =]

I get this feeling that something interesting is coming around the corner, and, if not, I'll find it and drag its ass around the corner *grin*

Current mood: tired
Current music: Everclear - Santa Monica

Going To Extremes.

Given the hurricane that hit New Orleans, I made a call to a friend of mine today who lives there just to make sure that he, the wife, and the dog were okay.

"Yeah, we're in Alaska"

I'm sorry, but I thought you said something about the Great White North. I know they said to evacuate, but wasn't that a little extreme?

It turns out that they were on vacation and left home a few days early due to the evac order.

However, I am rather certain that my facial expression was pretty amusing, because when he said he was in Alaska, I just sort of stood there for a second. I think the next thing out of my mouth was "huh?" lol

I love my friends. If nothing else, they keep me on my toes... =]

Current mood: tired
Current music: The Bravery - Believe

Time For A Change.

A lot of things have happened lately that have caused me to do some soul searching. I'm not going into the incidents in question because they are rather personal and, for the people reading this, the result is the more important part.

Looking back, I've changed a lot over the last several years, and I don't like all of those changes. Granted, some of them are positive, but there are more than a few that, well, aren't.

Many of the people who have actually gotten to know me (as opposed to just being acquainted with me) after I turned 21 have known me as a somewhat philosophical swordsman and occasional teacher who, on the whole, walks on his paths alone and fairly quietly.

I wasn't always like that. I used to laugh a lot more often and I wasn't alone on my travels by any stretch.

There was actually a group of us, as frightening as that may be for some people who know me now. In fact, we were more like an odd extended family instead of a group of friends. =]

We were from all over the world - various parts of the US, Europe, Asia, etc.

Our faiths were as diverse as our countries of origin. There were members of Native American medicine societies, a couple of practitioners of Santeria, a Taoist or two, and a few others.

Not all of us trained in martial arts, but many of us did so quite seriously; there was often sparring of one type or another when any of us got together. My favorite practice sessions were probably on the beach, with the waves crashing in the background (or, against me when some of them tried to use the water to their advantage since, at the time, my water tactics *ahem* needed refining lol).

It wasn't all fighting and combat practice with us though. I will admit that that did bring us closer and we certainly had each other's backs when things went badly. However, there was much more to us than that.

We discussed philosophy, pondered the nature of things, shared the details of our lives (both the good and bad), and always tried to be there for each other if we were needed. Sometimes, that meant showing up in person, but frequently, it was done through other means (phone, etc) because of the geography issues.

Like a lot of extended families, it was a rare thing to get us all together in one place. In fact, I think it only happened a few times and one of those was a funeral. It was a lot more common for just a few of us to get together at a time.

It was probably a good thing for the sanity of the people around us that we didn't all get together often. Not to mention that strange things had the habit of happening around any of us, let alone all of us. =]

They had a lot of influence on me over the years. For one, they helped me tremendously in the self confidence department and got me to keep pushing forward no matter how strange things got in my life.

If it wasn't for them, I doubt that I'd be much like I am now (take that however you want heh).

Sadly, sometimes things end. We may not think too much of it at the time, but instead, find years later that we need those things we once had.

Some of them are dead now, and the rest I've fallen out of touch with for one reason or another. The big reason for losing touch with the last of them was when an important relationship ended for me in 2001 and I basically cut myself off from almost everyone that I knew so that I could find myself and start over.

Like most things in life, it was a trade off. I grew stronger on my own in some ways, and weaker in others. Even though I know that it was something I had to do, I regret it because I really do miss the fellowship and sometimes feel as though I lost some of the best parts of myself in the deal.

Having said all of that, I'll get to the results of my soul searching.

I miss my old friends, and while I'll probably never get to see them again, I have resolved to try and re-learn the things that they taught me. Though I'm not going to forget the things I've learned since then, I'm going to try to be more like my old self from now on and proceed with confidence.

It's time to step out of the shadows and actually get on with things instead of just going through the motions.

It will undoubtedly be an uphill struggle, but I think it will be well worth it.

My friends, wherever you are, I just want to say thank you.

Be well

Current mood: hopeful
Current music: Fall Out Boy - Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year